How could she do it?

Image for post
Image for post
Source: Unsplash

Even over a decade after my ill-fated and lengthy affair with a married man ended I am still plagued by one question.

It nags at me. It eats at me.

I can’t help but find myself pondering as to how on earth his wife could have put up with his obvious and continual infidelity for so long?

Not only that, but I also question if it were me in her situation and I ask myself what I would do if my husband cheated on me — not only oncetwice or even three timesbut over the entire course of our marriage starting from when I was pregnant and spanning over a decade.


Here’s why.

Image for post
Image for post
‘Peaks and Valleys.’ Source: Unsplash

Let’s visit this scenario. You and your partner haven’t had sex in a while. One or both of you are probably pretty sexually frustrated. You wonder when you’re EVER going to have sex again.

But life keeps getting in the way. Responsibilities keep getting in the way. Kids keep getting in the way. Stress keeps getting in the way. Exhaustion keeps getting in the way.

We are all inundated with problems, chores, jobs, caregiving duties, screens, anxiety, and also some serious depression these days. The society we live in right now can be immensely draining — mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Quite often, much more than we even consciously realize. …


Kink can be relative.

Image for post
Image for post
Kink can be relative (Source: Unsplash)

I wouldn’t consider myself to be a prude in the sex department but I also wouldn’t consider myself to be uber-experienced either.

I’ve had some hot and untamed sexual experiences — sure. And I’ve had a number of partners who have all been into different things sexually. I’ve had my fair share of compelling sexcapades as I’m sure the average reader reading this has had as well.

But how far have you or I traveled into the ‘kinky sex’ universe — really?

Compared to other people’s sexual stories and experiences I think I’m probably about average in the sexual kink realm. …


My advice to any woman reading this.

Image for post
Image for post
I know this is not what you want to hear.

I once wrote an article about my experience falling in love with a married man. It’s not something I’m proud of but it’s something I choose not to feel shame for anymore, especially after all these years.

However, along with that article came an outpouring of stories and experiences from other women about their own affairs with married men. The response was overwhelming.

The women who have reached out to me are not heartless women. These are women who are searching for solace and for closure.

So many women who have written to me asking for advice feel trapped in agony wondering how they got to this dark place and trying to figure out a way to extract themselves without causing or feeling even more pain than they already have. …


Parents have been left behind.

Image for post
Image for post
Parents have been left behind. (Source: Unsplash)

I pay attention to politics. I voted. I follow what I consider to be essential issues. I’m cautiously hopeful for the new administration and I’m trying to remain optimistic about the future.

However, there are certain harsh realities at this moment that have ultimately left little space for optimism no matter who sits in The White House right now.

I am referring to the parents of children and teens who are in school.

In the midst of Covid-19 — parents are essentially drowning. We are hanging on to the edge by the tips of our fingers looking down into an unknown educational abyss that we know we must figure out for our children or else they will fall dramatically behind. …


Get in touch with your ‘single self’.

Image for post
Image for post
Get in touch with your ‘single self’. (Source: Unsplash)

Being in a committed long-term relationship takes an avalanche of effort and dedication from two people. No question.

When you’re single, you may think that those who are part of a couple ‘have it made’ but in reality, it’s a completely different show altogether.

After the initial flush of dating and a relationship becomes serious, there are big decisions to be made. This could include decisions about moving in together, whether or not to get married and have children OR if your partner or you already have children, how to merge those human beings together cohesively.

After several years, a relationship can change from something that used to be just about you and your partner into substantial stress about money, kids, chores, work schedules, and why it is neither of you can ever get just one minute to yourselves.


How to tell.

Image for post
Image for post
Is Your Relationship Constantly In ‘Crisis Mode’? (Source: Unsplash)

Having been in a few certifiably dysfunctional relationships during my lifetime and subsequently learning from those harrowing experiences, I’ve got some advice for those who are stuck in relationships which constantly seem to operate in what I call, ‘crisis mode’.

‘Crisis mode’ is normally how many of us would consider ourselves to function during a catastrophe, calamity, cataclysm, emergency, or a straight-out disaster.

However, there are oodles of relationships out there where couples are operating in this high-drama ‘crisis mode’ on a daily — or even hourly — basis.

The bizarre thing is that for the most part — there’s usually no legitimate crisis actually occurring in these types of relationships. …


Porn will be porn.

Image for post
Image for post
Porn will be porn. (Source: Unsplash)

The exaggerated moans. The fake breasts. The unrealistic scenarios.

It’s standard, mainstream porn in all of its glory.

I’ve written before about how many women are intimidated by porn and how they feel they simply cannot compare to the characters portrayed in mainstream porn with their endless sexual appetites, smooth, gleaming skin, airbrushed bodies, and made-up faces.

Myself included.

My own long-standing battle with porn has actually had everything to do with my personal insecurities and not much to do at all with the over-glamorized porn actresses we see on the screen.

The bouncing balloon breasts, yoga-like sex positions, and otherworldly sexual stamina of porn characters can certainly feel like a daunting phenomenon to compete with — for anyone. …


Sometimes masturbating is just easier.

Image for post
Image for post
Sometimes masturbating is just easier. (Source: Unsplash)

Having a romantic partner to engage in sexual escapades with whenever you like is definitely a sweet thing — especially when it’s included in a fulfilling and healthy relationship.

However, there are times when a sexual partner can be more work than you’re willing to put in when all you really want at the end of a long and frustrating day is an orgasm without the mental and emotional investment.

We’ve all had moments when we wanted to experience a pleasurable, physical release without the effort of also having to please our partner. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes masturbating is just easier. Plain and simple.


For those who do.

Image for post
Image for post
Don’t Regret How You Lost Your Virginity (Source: Unsplash)

For many people — women especially — the tale of how they lost their virginity is a significant milestone in the realm of sex and relationships.

Of course, men also have their stories about the first person they ever had sex with and what that experience was like for them but, for women, the loss of their virginity can be much more of a major event that can potentially shape the way they feel about sex long after that first sexual experience has come and gone.

My own first experience with sex was a bit of a doozy. I was 19 — and still a virgin. Most of my friends had already had sex. For various reasons — mostly having to do with insecurity and poor body-image — I had never had sex at all much less fooled around with any guys during the majority of my teenage years. …

About

Michelle Brown

Writer, Partner, Lover, Mother & Stepmother. Ponderings on sex, love, parenting, step-parenting & the journey of life. Meet me there. www.theponderingnook.com

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store