Degrees of truth in love.

Image for post
Image for post
Degrees of truth in love. (Source: Unsplash)

How many stories have we all heard about partners and lovers betraying one another with lies and deceit?

I’d say quite a lot.

Whether it’s movies, TV, books, or the internet, we are constantly inundated with tales of lying lovers and mendacious spouses. In fact, the act of lying to a partner within a relationship is so commonplace these days that we tend to be stunned at those seemingly rare relationships and marriages that don’t have betrayal as the main, running theme.

Without dishonesty, perhaps we would not recognize the value of telling the truth — the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. …


My advice to any woman reading this…

Image for post
Image for post
I know this is not what you want to hear.

I once wrote an article about my experience falling in love with a married man. It’s not something I’m proud of but it’s something I choose not to feel shame for anymore, especially after all these years.

However, along with that article came an outpouring of stories and experiences from other women about their own affairs with married men. The response was overwhelming.

The women who have reached out to me are not heartless women. These are women who are searching for solace and for closure.

So many women who have written to me asking for advice feel trapped in agony wondering how they got to this dark place and trying to figure out a way to extract themselves without causing or feeling even more pain than they already have. …


This is why sex can be terrifying.

Image for post
Image for post
Source: Unsplash

Why are so many of us afraid of our own sex lives — our own sexuality?

And I don’t necessarily mean just the physical act of sex here. I’m also talking about the many varying degrees of emotional and mental fear so many of us put forth into our sexual relationships and lives — myself included.

Whether it’s anxiety about the way our bodies look, trepidation over a traumatic sexual past event or a sincere fear of intimacy, so many of us interfere with our own potential as healthier sexual partners. …


I get that it can be hot.

Image for post
Image for post
Do you watch porn with your partner? Source: Unsplash

I’m not sure about others, but the subject of porn and how it relates to relationships has always been something that fascinates me — mainly because I have so many of my own feelings about pornography.

I once wrote an article about porn expressing why so many women are uncomfortable with their partners watching it. In the article, I used feedback from women I know who are all across the board sexually. …


‘This moment is your life.’

Image for post
Image for post
‘This moment is your life.’

‘Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.’ — Omar Khayyam.

Have you ever heard of or read the above quote before?

The first time I was exposed to this quote was in the 2002 movie, ‘Unfaithful’.

The movie depicted a housewife gone mad for a younger man who seduces her away from her husband and young son until she becomes completely obsessed with him and the affair at the expense of all else.

I loved the movie mainly for its stunningly uninhibited portrayal of a woman torn between her loyal and handsome husband and her much younger, sexually adventurous lover who completely swept her away. …


I was a good wife.

Image for post
Image for post

I was a good wife. A loyal wife. A wife who never cheated, a wife who never strayed, and a wife who absolutely tried her best to be a long-lasting partner.

Alas, all of these ‘angelic’ wifely qualities could not save me from what was at the root of it all — a severely damaged partnership. The marriage was sick at its core no matter how much love, care, concern, and compassion I attempted to infuse into it.

The poison always seemed to creep back in, much to my horror and astonishment. No matter how much I played nursemaid to this ailing marriage I could not cure it — certainly not by myself and certainly not on my own. …


Kink can be relative.

Image for post
Image for post
Kink can be relative (Source: Unsplash)

I wouldn’t consider myself to be a prude in the sex department but I also wouldn’t consider myself to be uber-experienced either.

I’ve had some hot and untamed sexual experiences — sure. And I’ve had a number of partners who have all been into different things sexually. I’ve had my fair share of compelling sexcapades as I’m sure the average reader reading this has had as well.

But how far have you or I traveled into the ‘kinky sex’ universe — really?

Compared to other people’s sexual stories and experiences I think I’m probably about average in the sexual kink realm. …


Assumptions will be made.

Image for post
Image for post
Assumptions will be made. (Source: Unsplash)

1. You’re A Homewrecker

Certainly, any woman who becomes a stepmother MUST have had something to do with the breakup of the previous relationship that produced the children she is stepparenting — right?

Not necessarily, no.

In fact, a great portion of women who became stepmothers did so long after their stepchildren’s biological parents split up.

There’s a common misconception out there that stepmothers somehow destroy harmonious relationships or marriages and break up families while, in reality, stepmothers are quite often inheriting the scattered pieces of an already broken relationship.

Though there are some stepmoms who do step into their role by means of an illicit affair and have indeed encroached upon a marriage, more often than not a stepmom arrives on the scene in the aftermath of a family that has already broken up. …


How do we know?

Image for post
Image for post
What determines if sex is meaningful? (Source: Unsplash)

Significant, consequential, material, telling, pithy, weighty, valid, worthwhile, and purposeful are among the handful of synonyms for the term ‘meaningful’.

So what about sex? What determines if sex is meaningful? How do you know if YOU are having meaningful sex?

Pithy sex? Weighty sex? Have you ever thought of or described your own sexual experiences like that? Probably not, however, there’s no doubt that many of us are frequently attempting to place special meaning onto the sexual acts we engage in.

As humans, we tend to have this deep desire to place particular value on experiences — including sexual experiences.

But what does meaningful sex look like and feel like?


Here’s why.

Image for post
Image for post
It’s hard for me to imagine anyone else missing out on that kind of pleasure. (Source: Unsplash)

The idea that a great handful of women out there have never masturbated still confounds me.

According to Indiana University’s National Survey Of Sexual Health And Behavior (NSSHB), 37 percent of women between the ages of 30–39 hadn’t masturbated within a year — which doesn’t mean they’ve never masturbated at all but it’s likely that even if they do masturbate during other time periods — it’s probably not much.

The numbers do vary a little bit with other age groups of women who were asked the same question but not by that much. For me, these numbers are intriguing.

I’d like to think we’ve made some sort of progress regarding female sexuality and the growing knowledge of our own female bodies.

About

Michelle Brown

Top Writer, Partner, Lover, Mother & Stepmother. Ponderings on sex, love, parenting, step-parenting & the journey of life. Meet me there.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store